So after almost a year of being a sitter and assistant at Ayahuasca/Sinag Araw Ceremonies , I got to finally experience one as well . I work with my fiancee at Lakbay Sa Diwa Healing Ceremony we conduct Healing Ceremonies . Usually Guro Tashi handles the space. But for this evening, we had a fellow energy healer, Mahiitosh Eguia, handled the space for us. Because Shaman's and their assistants need to have healing ceremonies too .
So finally I was ready . Ready with my intent . My intent was not to be so paralyzed and to have the experience of having 10 years of therapy in one evening . I wanted to process EVERYTHING .
So we were at a natural river setting in an open style house. I placed my intent into the brew and drank it . It had a very bitter taste and was not pleasant to drink . I lay down and surrendered. I think it is good, to be in the mood to surrender .
I relaxed there and 15 minutes in ; I saw that everything was gray . Then I began to see some visuals . in my minds eye, my therapy session had just begun ! I saw a pencil scribbling on a blank piece of paper, like in a film. Its kind of hard to describe . Then suddenly , in order, my mind began to process every thing that has harmed or bothered me since the age of three . I went on for a while and I thought, oh no ! How long is this going to take ? It's going to take too long ! This is too intense ! scribbling and scribbling and typing and typing everything on a piece of paper in my minds eye, methodically going on and on in a linear fashion. It was driving me bananas, I did not like it . I made it stop.
it stopped .
Mahiitosh the energy healer went to me and gave me a second dose . He told me, ask for a second chance. and embrace the divine feminine within .
I went back next to Tashi . His intent was for healing . He was just curled up laying down there. I felt he wasn't doing too well . I went to massage his back . Mahiitosh stopped me and picked up a tibetan singing bowl and began to make it ring and sing . He was performing an energy healing . As i felt the vibrations pouring down on Tashi from the Tibetan singing bowl, I wanted to feel them too . I lay down next to Tashi . I sighed and sighed in relief as I felt the healing vibrations pouring and raining down on us and began my Journey part II . . . . .
The process began again . I was back to methodically processing again in a linear fashion. It was annoying me again but that is what I asked for, correct ? I wanted the 10 years of therapy in one night ! But was it going to be like this the whole night ? I kept on going, scribbling and typing in my mind but then I felt Tashi needed me . He had been doing a lot of Healing Ceremonies and needed some healing too .
I am a Tarot Card Reader and the Symbolism of the Cards means a lot to me . I saw the 2 of Swords in my mind. This is the card with a seated lady holding 2 swords . It means one must make a clear cut decision.
I could keep on my own Journey and go deeper and deeper within myself for the next few hours and keep typing away my report. Or I could go back and take care of Tashi.
"Embrace the Divine Feminine" said Mahiitosh the energy healer before he gave me my 2nd dose. I realized this is what I wanted to do . I didnt want to type out all my problems and solve them meticulously , one by one . . . .
Suddenly I realized I did not care about the past anymore. That the solution for me was , that i was sick of processing . I did not want to process anymore. I didn't want to think about it anymore . I just wanted to forgive everything .
Including Myself .
DROP a silent voice said.
DROP.
I opened my eyes .
Tashi was there laying on his side . Mahiitosh was doing energy healing on him and I decided to join along. I didn't realize that with my stresses, that my superman could be stressed out too ! I had been so selfish . Maybe I can try something more cosmic and less earthly . I lay down and surrounded him with light, all colors , surrounding him with clouds and rays of pink silvers blues green yellows, whatever colors i could come up with. we lay down for a while, just me loving him with all my heart . No more mind . Just my heart and my colors .
The journey finally began to lift . We held each other and all we could say was sorry and i love you . we told each other things that had really been hurting us to the core and shared the deep stuff we kept hidden. without fear finally. There was deep forgiveness and understanding .
The next days, I found that this fear I had in communicating to him had also spilled out to my interactions with others. An extreme introvert, even as I write this, I am having a hard time ! I find now, there is a lot less fear in me when it comes to communicating to others . Because i finally communicated honestly and purely to the one I love the most . So now communicating with others is much easier for me now. This Healing ceremony gave that to me . I realized, it's okay to talk to people. It's okay to open up .
And I know this sounds cliche but a lot of my problems psychologically lifted overnight. I indeed got my 10 years of therapy in one night. I had to process the experience afterwards . I realized the solution the whole time (for me at least) was not to process at all !
I had always been haunted with the numerous mistakes in the past. Why did i do it so i dont do it again ? How do I fix this ? I realized that I did not want to process .
I just wanted to be free .
¡ And free I am ! I'm free from my mistakes now. Now I know I can't fix everything . That sometimes one just has to let it be . I let it be, all of it .
I let all of it DROP.
My Processing is done .
For Now.
Until the next Journey, to be continued . . . . . . .
(It's so nice to no longer overthink things!)
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